Vishon kosto... Oshojho... Buker modhe ku acid dhele deyeche... Kichutei santi pachi na... Bari te thaka osomvob e vabe, because she is trying to do everything possible to support me, can't see me in this pain...
Office jai, okhanei oi suffocated poribeshta e amar prappo, let me drive me dead body lone to that alien land where I do not belong...
Thankfully she is working from home today and I can die in my loneliness all alone... Drive alone, suffer alone and comeback alone... I am really tired of bothering her... She is really very innocent... She deserves a better life...
You take care... Love you... Certain about that...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Take Care and be Strong in life
If possible, please forget and forgive my today's conduct towards you.... You simply take care... Nothing is more important that you to me.... Even not my life... You are already suffering to the maximum extent possible, and just like the most irresponsible and insensitive friend, instead of trying to reduce your pain, I have done everything possible to increase that...
Don't worry about me... I'll manage somehow...
I really wish that you never get to feel the pain I go through every time I revisit those days... It feel like end of my life... Some times I do feel that I must punish you the same way you have punished me, by submitting myself to some one unknown.
I like her, love her to the extent that I commit my mind and body to her. I'll chat with her, giggle, share all my thoughts and emotions and love to her. Call her my best friend. She will kiss me, touch me, hold me similarly like you. And I'll also discuss my divorce with her.
I will tell her that she looks like goddess Gurga. She looks so beautiful in Binddi. Tell her that I feel like flying when I hold her hands. I want to dance in the rain with her. I want to take shower together under a spring. I want to make her my pillow and sleep. And every other act of sensations which I have shared with only you till date, I would share with her.
I plea her to hold me tight and caress me for looooong before she utters a single word, if we meet after a long separation. Also let her know, "even if we got closer; much much closer later, but I still feel that her first kiss was the most amazing feeling of my life till date". Not able to forget that even after she is loooong gone.
I let her kiss my lips which you love the most, tell her that I love her the most in my soft voice that you get crazy about, let her put her head on my chest where you feel most secured. I let her sleep naked on my body just the way you love to do.
I would caress her in similar ways that I do to you.
I wish I can plan a office trip similar to the trips to Bangalore, and spend nights together in her arms like I did with you. I would kiss her lips, make her naked, admire her body, cherish her breasts. Play with them similarly I do with BV.
Also let her do the things which you always believed that you only do with me and feel proud about, for example sucking my penis, till it is rock hard in her beautiful hands. Throbbing and pulsating the way it does in only your hands. Afterwards I will put my manhood, which you believe is only and only yours and die for and take pride of, into her vagina. I would make long passionate love to her lying on top of her. When the naked body of your Adonis will be pressing against her naked body, penetrating her all the way, till she feels suffocatingly happy, kissing my sweating face and body vigorously, holding and clutching my body with her strength less arms, she will orgasm on YOUR manhood.
And I'll will forget even whether I have ejaculated into her or not. But in case you ask me, I will try to confirm that by validating the fact by saying, "I must have not ejaculated into her. I must have ejaculated elsewhere. Otherwise she would have been pregnant by me, as we were not using any condoms while having sex."
But don't worry, I'll only indulge only twice. But I will call her to my empty flat more that once. Hope you will be able to relate because you also been to my empty flat more than once.
And to complete the story, I will suppress everything from you... And make sure you dig out all the details yourself to know that how much I loved her, How much thoughts we have shared, How much involved we were, I desperately I still miss her, miss her touches, miss her kisses, even after she was gone long back and even when I already have you in my life...
Hope I could have done all these... Hope I would have got a chance to say "It was not Lust, neither was a love. I loved only YOU, always and all ways, so what if I have submitted myself so loosely to others, even before I'm certain about the intensity of my relationship. Because that time you were not there!!!"
But alas I'll never be able to do that, I'll never be able to make you feel, because I'm a old fashioned guy who will not even let anyone touch him until he is certain that he can die for that woman. And I'll never rejoice any relationship after several years of it's closer, and when I have already found my best fiend around, if not my lover. For me, if I feel that it was a mistake and I have closed it, I'll never ever revisit that place in my life. You will not understand, because you belong to a different school altogether.
I know and believe you have changed. I believe that from the deep of my heart. But some scratches are so deep, takes a lifetime to heal. I'm trying, and I'll heal it in time.
Take care... Love you... Helplessly...
Don't worry about me... I'll manage somehow...
I really wish that you never get to feel the pain I go through every time I revisit those days... It feel like end of my life... Some times I do feel that I must punish you the same way you have punished me, by submitting myself to some one unknown.
I like her, love her to the extent that I commit my mind and body to her. I'll chat with her, giggle, share all my thoughts and emotions and love to her. Call her my best friend. She will kiss me, touch me, hold me similarly like you. And I'll also discuss my divorce with her.
I will tell her that she looks like goddess Gurga. She looks so beautiful in Binddi. Tell her that I feel like flying when I hold her hands. I want to dance in the rain with her. I want to take shower together under a spring. I want to make her my pillow and sleep. And every other act of sensations which I have shared with only you till date, I would share with her.
I plea her to hold me tight and caress me for looooong before she utters a single word, if we meet after a long separation. Also let her know, "even if we got closer; much much closer later, but I still feel that her first kiss was the most amazing feeling of my life till date". Not able to forget that even after she is loooong gone.
I let her kiss my lips which you love the most, tell her that I love her the most in my soft voice that you get crazy about, let her put her head on my chest where you feel most secured. I let her sleep naked on my body just the way you love to do.
I would caress her in similar ways that I do to you.
I wish I can plan a office trip similar to the trips to Bangalore, and spend nights together in her arms like I did with you. I would kiss her lips, make her naked, admire her body, cherish her breasts. Play with them similarly I do with BV.
Also let her do the things which you always believed that you only do with me and feel proud about, for example sucking my penis, till it is rock hard in her beautiful hands. Throbbing and pulsating the way it does in only your hands. Afterwards I will put my manhood, which you believe is only and only yours and die for and take pride of, into her vagina. I would make long passionate love to her lying on top of her. When the naked body of your Adonis will be pressing against her naked body, penetrating her all the way, till she feels suffocatingly happy, kissing my sweating face and body vigorously, holding and clutching my body with her strength less arms, she will orgasm on YOUR manhood.
And I'll will forget even whether I have ejaculated into her or not. But in case you ask me, I will try to confirm that by validating the fact by saying, "I must have not ejaculated into her. I must have ejaculated elsewhere. Otherwise she would have been pregnant by me, as we were not using any condoms while having sex."
But don't worry, I'll only indulge only twice. But I will call her to my empty flat more that once. Hope you will be able to relate because you also been to my empty flat more than once.
And to complete the story, I will suppress everything from you... And make sure you dig out all the details yourself to know that how much I loved her, How much thoughts we have shared, How much involved we were, I desperately I still miss her, miss her touches, miss her kisses, even after she was gone long back and even when I already have you in my life...
Hope I could have done all these... Hope I would have got a chance to say "It was not Lust, neither was a love. I loved only YOU, always and all ways, so what if I have submitted myself so loosely to others, even before I'm certain about the intensity of my relationship. Because that time you were not there!!!"
But alas I'll never be able to do that, I'll never be able to make you feel, because I'm a old fashioned guy who will not even let anyone touch him until he is certain that he can die for that woman. And I'll never rejoice any relationship after several years of it's closer, and when I have already found my best fiend around, if not my lover. For me, if I feel that it was a mistake and I have closed it, I'll never ever revisit that place in my life. You will not understand, because you belong to a different school altogether.
I know and believe you have changed. I believe that from the deep of my heart. But some scratches are so deep, takes a lifetime to heal. I'm trying, and I'll heal it in time.
Take care... Love you... Helplessly...
Love You
Just Love you Shona..
Why do you force us to visit those lines where we are helpless to past..
tui kosto pash ,,ar ami pagol hoye jai...simply..mone hoy ki korbo..
Really feel like quiting life altogether then and there...when you sound distant to me
I never really know how to cajole you take you in my arms or just leave you alone..
Dont knoe ...just dont know...
amar sotti mone hoy ami tor life akta Shoni r dosha..j ato kosto pachhissh amar jonyo tui
Love You ...Just loved ONLY YOU for now for ever always and all ways
Why do you force us to visit those lines where we are helpless to past..
tui kosto pash ,,ar ami pagol hoye jai...simply..mone hoy ki korbo..
Really feel like quiting life altogether then and there...when you sound distant to me
I never really know how to cajole you take you in my arms or just leave you alone..
Dont knoe ...just dont know...
amar sotti mone hoy ami tor life akta Shoni r dosha..j ato kosto pachhissh amar jonyo tui
Love You ...Just loved ONLY YOU for now for ever always and all ways
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Am just fine
Am just fine as fine as could be...
Had a v ugly fight with him yesterday till about 2:30 am..but I got to understand his point...ami hoyto or jaygay thakle oi sob kothai boltam ja o bolche..may be in a different or soft tone..but message would have been same,,,
Some of them were really quite very true
No one in the home did sleep for the entire night ..and all three at home having fever...
Sokale uthe dekhi he is again searching on job portals for me..I don't understand ...may be he does care for me in his way
If not anyone am really feeling so sad for my baby..who is really a princess and an angel more like my mom rather like my baby..showing such maturity even in the days of worst possible crisis..
Am feeling extremely low and dejected..feeling like dying..every moment.but its ok..I have to undergo through all these..
I need to get punished and chastise for whatever I have done.. Yes I did for love but who cares..
Why should any other person step into my shoes of love..
And when I know and seeing everytime Love has no value no market share after all...Every time it gets defeated to survival and matters of mind over matters of heart.
But only thing I never knew is love really that merciless!!!!!
I deserve all these punishments and even beyond..
Dont blame yourself..It was my life afterall and I have juggled with it..
You never forced me to anything ..Never did ..I submitted on my own..110% of submission..of everything I had..
Had a v ugly fight with him yesterday till about 2:30 am..but I got to understand his point...ami hoyto or jaygay thakle oi sob kothai boltam ja o bolche..may be in a different or soft tone..but message would have been same,,,
Some of them were really quite very true
No one in the home did sleep for the entire night ..and all three at home having fever...
Sokale uthe dekhi he is again searching on job portals for me..I don't understand ...may be he does care for me in his way
If not anyone am really feeling so sad for my baby..who is really a princess and an angel more like my mom rather like my baby..showing such maturity even in the days of worst possible crisis..
Am feeling extremely low and dejected..feeling like dying..every moment.but its ok..I have to undergo through all these..
I need to get punished and chastise for whatever I have done.. Yes I did for love but who cares..
Why should any other person step into my shoes of love..
And when I know and seeing everytime Love has no value no market share after all...Every time it gets defeated to survival and matters of mind over matters of heart.
But only thing I never knew is love really that merciless!!!!!
I deserve all these punishments and even beyond..
Dont blame yourself..It was my life afterall and I have juggled with it..
You never forced me to anything ..Never did ..I submitted on my own..110% of submission..of everything I had..
Good morning
Baby, sona amar.... Good morning... Ke korcho? Kemon aacho? Ami thik aachi. Sorir ta abar ektu kharap hoyeche...
Amar r sotti kichu valo lagche na.. Feeling very low... Very depressed and dejected... I have spoiled your life, destroyed it actually... You are suffering in the worst possible format only because you have loved me... I came and destroyed your life when you were somehow able to convince yourself that this is what life is... Weath, big house, in-laws and a beautiful baby... So what if you do not have a perfect husband!!! There are 99% married couples who do not get there prince charming as husband...
Then I forcefully probed in your peaceful life and did everything possible to destroy it.... I hate myself... I'll never be able to forgive myself, because what every is happening to you, I'm responsible for every thing....
And when your are in need, I'm not able to do any good to you... Your husband, no matter how bad he is, and your family is standing by you.... Not your so called prince charming...
Just hate me... I beg... I deserve that... Tell me that you do not love me anymore... That would be the worst punishment for me.... Because I know I love you, so so very much....
Amar r sotti kichu valo lagche na.. Feeling very low... Very depressed and dejected... I have spoiled your life, destroyed it actually... You are suffering in the worst possible format only because you have loved me... I came and destroyed your life when you were somehow able to convince yourself that this is what life is... Weath, big house, in-laws and a beautiful baby... So what if you do not have a perfect husband!!! There are 99% married couples who do not get there prince charming as husband...
Then I forcefully probed in your peaceful life and did everything possible to destroy it.... I hate myself... I'll never be able to forgive myself, because what every is happening to you, I'm responsible for every thing....
And when your are in need, I'm not able to do any good to you... Your husband, no matter how bad he is, and your family is standing by you.... Not your so called prince charming...
Just hate me... I beg... I deserve that... Tell me that you do not love me anymore... That would be the worst punishment for me.... Because I know I love you, so so very much....
Baby, what happened? Please call me and inform. Scared and worried like hell.
Yes, you have never done any crime, neither have you taken any favour from anyone. Just forget about all those people for the time being. They make no difference in our life. What is only important is YOU and your well being.
I don't know what exactly happened today? But sure that something very disappointing must have happned. You are not a person to succumb to depression so easily, I know you and love this trait of you. Please don't lose hope. There would be a new dawn, which is waiting for us. We have to keep on trying and keep walking in the darkness.
Its true that we have done a mistake, a very nasty one as a professional. But have not done any crime. Hence we have to suffer, but I'm sure that there would be a better end to it. For both of us. We will certainly get a second chance to win back our dignity.
I'm in office till 5 today. Feeling very low after reading your blog. Feeling like taking you in my arms and hold you tightly to my chest. If that can easy the pain by a percent.
I'll wait for your call. Take care. Don't give-up jaan. I'm always there for you.
With Love,
Only your BBS.
Yes, you have never done any crime, neither have you taken any favour from anyone. Just forget about all those people for the time being. They make no difference in our life. What is only important is YOU and your well being.
I don't know what exactly happened today? But sure that something very disappointing must have happned. You are not a person to succumb to depression so easily, I know you and love this trait of you. Please don't lose hope. There would be a new dawn, which is waiting for us. We have to keep on trying and keep walking in the darkness.
Its true that we have done a mistake, a very nasty one as a professional. But have not done any crime. Hence we have to suffer, but I'm sure that there would be a better end to it. For both of us. We will certainly get a second chance to win back our dignity.
I'm in office till 5 today. Feeling very low after reading your blog. Feeling like taking you in my arms and hold you tightly to my chest. If that can easy the pain by a percent.
I'll wait for your call. Take care. Don't give-up jaan. I'm always there for you.
With Love,
Only your BBS.
Feelin Very Low
Feeling very low..and succumbing to failure today..extremely demotivated...kichhu habe naa mone hochhe
There is no end to this dark tunnel..absolutely sealed like a black box impenetrable from all sides..slightest hopes also are left outside the lonely dark gloomy shabby corridors where I have to walk and walk and walk without any destination..
I know I should be punished..but this much??That I feel like crashing every moment..
Is love always that merciless to the PRACTICAL matters of the world?
Matters of Heart can hurt so much getting defeated every time and left bleeding without any pills or potion to maters of mind..
I know I was wrong very very wrong..but not a criminal or have taken any undue advantage from anyone in my life not for even a fraction of a second..
I never knew I was greedy ..coz am miles away from the greed factors which drive people..but yes I had huge greed for love and greed for you..and every greed should end up in sentence of death as chastise.
There is no end to this dark tunnel..absolutely sealed like a black box impenetrable from all sides..slightest hopes also are left outside the lonely dark gloomy shabby corridors where I have to walk and walk and walk without any destination..
I know I should be punished..but this much??That I feel like crashing every moment..
Is love always that merciless to the PRACTICAL matters of the world?
Matters of Heart can hurt so much getting defeated every time and left bleeding without any pills or potion to maters of mind..
I know I was wrong very very wrong..but not a criminal or have taken any undue advantage from anyone in my life not for even a fraction of a second..
I never knew I was greedy ..coz am miles away from the greed factors which drive people..but yes I had huge greed for love and greed for you..and every greed should end up in sentence of death as chastise.
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