Communication

What exactly we mean by “not communicating at all?? Perhaps that word is still not enlisted in english dictionary..Can it be CommYouNegation??

Well it can be when the following checklists thoroughly crosschecked and found Yes by the moral-social police. And when the results would yield satisfactory we would sigh a deep breath of relief under cover as the post mortem submits the proof of CommYouNegation….

1. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him..

Please crisscross my phone and all the phone bills left and right up and down front and back upside down.. the number which I die to call.. the number for which I don’t need even my fingers to dial..the number which automatically gets dialed when I pick up the handset aimlessly is well pushed in the Rejected List….

Am smart.. very very smart in-deed am able to handle my emotions well.

2. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him..

Please check my mailbox it can any of them my office mail or all my personal mails..

The mail ids which cradled all my love-filled words all my heart rendering thoughts are now silently sleeping in their coffins.. 'Coz no living fingers can squeeze out a single word from it..

The corresponding ids are pushed to spam folders.. and while the queries been performed I put up a coy smile on my face happy to prove I don’t communicate… See I told you right!!!!!!

Only the smile knows whether its outwitting the rest or actually making a fool of me!!

3. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I see her face accidentally in public I have to pretend nonchalantly she whom I call my Life in my arms is a stranger to me in public….And when I am traveling on road I fervently pray to God please don’t make a narrow coincidence of meeting him.. I cannot face him in front of others I cannot meet him in open daylight I can only keep my eyes on him within closed doors of darkness and anonymous…

Inside every moment am simply dying to meet him…and outside I put up a straight "am just fine" face.

I am shameless no not to be in an illegal love but to ignore my love which I call to be the most pristine feelings and bargain every second of my legal existence.

4. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

And I spend all my drooling mornings in even more drooling ways.. The world doesn’t have time for me but am supposed to be OKAY with it..I need to compute my life through so many easily available gadgets…or books or something or the other.. I cant’ crib I have millions of options but barring to Live my Life!!!!

The same time which is otherwise wasted futile cannot be shared with my love I die inside every moment but I make a happy face about it- I prove now I spend my most precious time by NOT communicating!!!

I do NOT have the right and guts to live my OWN Life…

I have so many lives to deal with after all how does it matter if one ordinary one in the endless list (co-incidentally which is my own one and only life) gets only a share of its morbid existence!!!!!

5. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

I cannot sleep I cannot dream.. because I have lost my courage to sleep and dream…Like many other basic necessities of life I am denied of these 2 luxuries of life ALSO.

In order to prove am not thinking of her in order to prove I am not remembering him  I spend the entire night awake lest if my fatigued body my weary mind falls asleep I might blurt out some “unpronounceable” names….So I prefer not to lie down and sit straight and pose a figure of non communication and end up battering my heart even more by some obstinate arrogant thoughts of my love which refuse to let me go even knowing my smart smile can fall off any moment!!!

Yes I am scared to even pronounce your name. Even if it suddenly comes to my lips I quickly cover it up with Tom Dick Harry- Names of same gender lest I might be caught.

6. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I need several glasses of water while forcing down a tasty food which used to be mouth watering for me days back and I to hide the glass and surreptitiously crawl down the food with a placid face to prove over and over again I am not thinking of anyone but just enjoying the food.. may be the food is a little too hot or the weather its really bad.. its making me sweat!!! I hate the weather suddenly with which I am accustomed for my entire lifetime.

And yet I say I share everything with you. You are my everything!!!! When should I stop lying to myself at least.

7. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I miss him so bitterly in my lonely bed.. Thinking of the passionate togetherness spent few hours back. I pine in bed for him but when questioned of my sudden apparent headaches I have to pretend tired stressed out of office work and give in to an aspirin. I have to emphasize that all my decisions all my actions are now ruled by me and ONLY me and hence a little bit of overworked. There’s no external influences in my life to show me the directions right or wrong or help me in my assignments or decisions.

The strong hands and strong mind of my love which used to cradle me every time are actually of no meaning to me ok not anymore. I can deal with it all by myself without him without her. 

And my non-communication proves it all.I don't need him/her in my life.

8. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

And am not dead by not communicating with him or communicating with her. Am just fine eating drinking sleeping walking going to market going to class cooking shopping attending social functions making plans of future investments all those array of actions that define the normalcy of life are just in place to-to.

And they are right by all means happy and relieved that finally we could take out the “so-called” love part out of it quite easily by some strategic impositions of our tramp cards. After all there was hardly anything called love but an erotic lustful affair at the most with some exchange of mindless thoughts.

I can consume my love unabashed -being humiliated being insulted taken names by others and my silence says it all that they are right if not 100% correct.

9. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

“Men are born free but every where in chains.” So am I perfectly fitting to the chain of life defined by my society, where am I different? So I think high I speak high I articulate very strong philosophies of life but only in private. The moment I am challenged with the some off-guarded questions out of my own private world I completely take 2 safe steps back and succumb taking shelter of the defined life- only difference being defined by others but not by me.

And every step of my life (well if you want to call it life) I have to qualify myself giving ample proofs,.

I have to pass the theory and practical examinations with somewhat glorified pass marks with my posters standing as evidences of non-communication.

10.  Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

I want to be alone… just leave me alone I shout fervently when the last thing on earth is I want to be alone.. And I want to prove I like to be left alone because 

And still I do NOT even hate myself for my shamelessness because.

I am not communicating with him I am not communicating with Her.!!!

Good Morning Kiss

Good Morning Eosin!!!!

The day starts ,a new sunshine

Plans are same as old shrine

Will reach there where

I am supposed to be with you

And you can be mine

By the same old hour

With my little heart settled in her

Steps to become a scholar

I will come to the same place

Which is our hub for these

In between blissful days

Will be there by no later than 12

With a heart full of undying love

You try and make yourself

Available within same first half

I wish if I could wake up 

With an intrinsic smile on my lip

And not shocked by the place

Where my body has been in sleep

I wish if your finger can softly trace

The outline of my sleeping face

I wake up for you with sleepy yet joyous eyes

And hold you on to me  as the new day tries

To unfurl and love takes it share

Fulfilling each moment of the day

In its own lustrous flair!!!

I wish for You

Would wait for you for ever for I am sure
Someday someway sometime somewhere
We would be together living or dead
In this life or just the next step ahead
We will for sure meet at some points of life
'Coz in my heart of heart am your proudest wife

Would wait for you always with all what I have
'Coz its not a choice but out of my pristine love
Just a selfish reason the selfish side of me
'Coz I know else I would never be able to breathe

Without You Time pass by as I watch it freeze
My Heart is in entropy all my lifelines cease
So many things I would want you to know,
But above all without you my life can never go..

I long to be with you but not meager to hold your hand
To have your heart imbibed me in the never never land
I wish you all the peace in the world in which you have to live
But in the smallest corner of your heart I want the truth to be.

Forever secured by love sealed by care and glued in divine sandal
Protected in it my very own self which I myself dare not handle
I wish you faith in me to help define your living and your life.
More I cannot wish you except perhaps love to enrich vibe

I wish your sense of humor and the twinkle in your eye
Never separates from your self till the day you die
I cannot promise you a lifetime or even a day long date,
For we are bound elsewhere via a lifetime commitment

What I can offer to you is simply myself and me for ever
For whatever amount of time we can steal for each other
I can promise you some moments of lifetime remembrance
I wish you that what is needed for trust -the element of patience

So I wish you sadness s.t you may always better measure glee
I wish you emptiness of heart such that you are always able to see
What we fill each other with, can never be put to measure
In the enigma of life is it love or some other unreal treasure?

You make me numb when you cast that hypnotic gaze
With the eyes of emerald you pin me down in a magnetic haze
I wish you intransigence such that you appreciate cadence
I wish you glory and the strength of love to bear its burdens.

I wish you stubbornness of life so that you can be all in praise
Of Docility of Lady Love and see how its transcends
Each and every mundane pains of a barren existence
Transforming carcasses to living souls in its blessed togetherness

I wish you speechless elsewhere such that you can always talk to me
I wish you grimace at other places such with me you smile with beauty
I wish you strength of warmth when the world would prefer it cool
I wish you intelligence of love when the world would treat it fool

The 5 States

Euphoria.
Elation.
Exaltation.
Ecstasy.

These are the 4 states of Happiness in order. Theory says all the states are experienced only and only when you are in LOVE. That's what the magical power of love is, which drags you slowly in an ecstatically jubilant state where you know only the entry but not the exit.
If you are forced exit then you enter into a perpetual state of Melancholia where you become simply inert to anything else in the world...

I have experienced all 5 states now...