Communication

What exactly we mean by “not communicating at all?? Perhaps that word is still not enlisted in english dictionary..Can it be CommYouNegation??

Well it can be when the following checklists thoroughly crosschecked and found Yes by the moral-social police. And when the results would yield satisfactory we would sigh a deep breath of relief under cover as the post mortem submits the proof of CommYouNegation….

1. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him..

Please crisscross my phone and all the phone bills left and right up and down front and back upside down.. the number which I die to call.. the number for which I don’t need even my fingers to dial..the number which automatically gets dialed when I pick up the handset aimlessly is well pushed in the Rejected List….

Am smart.. very very smart in-deed am able to handle my emotions well.

2. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him..

Please check my mailbox it can any of them my office mail or all my personal mails..

The mail ids which cradled all my love-filled words all my heart rendering thoughts are now silently sleeping in their coffins.. 'Coz no living fingers can squeeze out a single word from it..

The corresponding ids are pushed to spam folders.. and while the queries been performed I put up a coy smile on my face happy to prove I don’t communicate… See I told you right!!!!!!

Only the smile knows whether its outwitting the rest or actually making a fool of me!!

3. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I see her face accidentally in public I have to pretend nonchalantly she whom I call my Life in my arms is a stranger to me in public….And when I am traveling on road I fervently pray to God please don’t make a narrow coincidence of meeting him.. I cannot face him in front of others I cannot meet him in open daylight I can only keep my eyes on him within closed doors of darkness and anonymous…

Inside every moment am simply dying to meet him…and outside I put up a straight "am just fine" face.

I am shameless no not to be in an illegal love but to ignore my love which I call to be the most pristine feelings and bargain every second of my legal existence.

4. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

And I spend all my drooling mornings in even more drooling ways.. The world doesn’t have time for me but am supposed to be OKAY with it..I need to compute my life through so many easily available gadgets…or books or something or the other.. I cant’ crib I have millions of options but barring to Live my Life!!!!

The same time which is otherwise wasted futile cannot be shared with my love I die inside every moment but I make a happy face about it- I prove now I spend my most precious time by NOT communicating!!!

I do NOT have the right and guts to live my OWN Life…

I have so many lives to deal with after all how does it matter if one ordinary one in the endless list (co-incidentally which is my own one and only life) gets only a share of its morbid existence!!!!!

5. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

I cannot sleep I cannot dream.. because I have lost my courage to sleep and dream…Like many other basic necessities of life I am denied of these 2 luxuries of life ALSO.

In order to prove am not thinking of her in order to prove I am not remembering him  I spend the entire night awake lest if my fatigued body my weary mind falls asleep I might blurt out some “unpronounceable” names….So I prefer not to lie down and sit straight and pose a figure of non communication and end up battering my heart even more by some obstinate arrogant thoughts of my love which refuse to let me go even knowing my smart smile can fall off any moment!!!

Yes I am scared to even pronounce your name. Even if it suddenly comes to my lips I quickly cover it up with Tom Dick Harry- Names of same gender lest I might be caught.

6. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I need several glasses of water while forcing down a tasty food which used to be mouth watering for me days back and I to hide the glass and surreptitiously crawl down the food with a placid face to prove over and over again I am not thinking of anyone but just enjoying the food.. may be the food is a little too hot or the weather its really bad.. its making me sweat!!! I hate the weather suddenly with which I am accustomed for my entire lifetime.

And yet I say I share everything with you. You are my everything!!!! When should I stop lying to myself at least.

7. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

When I miss him so bitterly in my lonely bed.. Thinking of the passionate togetherness spent few hours back. I pine in bed for him but when questioned of my sudden apparent headaches I have to pretend tired stressed out of office work and give in to an aspirin. I have to emphasize that all my decisions all my actions are now ruled by me and ONLY me and hence a little bit of overworked. There’s no external influences in my life to show me the directions right or wrong or help me in my assignments or decisions.

The strong hands and strong mind of my love which used to cradle me every time are actually of no meaning to me ok not anymore. I can deal with it all by myself without him without her. 

And my non-communication proves it all.I don't need him/her in my life.

8. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

And am not dead by not communicating with him or communicating with her. Am just fine eating drinking sleeping walking going to market going to class cooking shopping attending social functions making plans of future investments all those array of actions that define the normalcy of life are just in place to-to.

And they are right by all means happy and relieved that finally we could take out the “so-called” love part out of it quite easily by some strategic impositions of our tramp cards. After all there was hardly anything called love but an erotic lustful affair at the most with some exchange of mindless thoughts.

I can consume my love unabashed -being humiliated being insulted taken names by others and my silence says it all that they are right if not 100% correct.

9. Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

“Men are born free but every where in chains.” So am I perfectly fitting to the chain of life defined by my society, where am I different? So I think high I speak high I articulate very strong philosophies of life but only in private. The moment I am challenged with the some off-guarded questions out of my own private world I completely take 2 safe steps back and succumb taking shelter of the defined life- only difference being defined by others but not by me.

And every step of my life (well if you want to call it life) I have to qualify myself giving ample proofs,.

I have to pass the theory and practical examinations with somewhat glorified pass marks with my posters standing as evidences of non-communication.

10.  Yes I do NOT communicate with her!!! I do NOT communicate with him

I want to be alone… just leave me alone I shout fervently when the last thing on earth is I want to be alone.. And I want to prove I like to be left alone because 

And still I do NOT even hate myself for my shamelessness because.

I am not communicating with him I am not communicating with Her.!!!