Shona

You r right eosin...v v right..
Had one of the worst possible nights in my life...
I realized i simply stay with a bastard..
My fever was v v high ...around 102 till 1:30 am..vommitted
everything twice...
Kachu came back around 2 am after pandal hopping..
N from 2 till 4:30 am there was a v v brutal fight with that bustard
out of nothing...
He will not take the baby out ..since i wont go this time...and since
kachu enjoyed so much with dada s family n kachu told mama amay khub
ador koreche chmupi kheyeche drive korte korte amra atlas
khlechi...khub enjoy korechi...dragon dekhechi..rides chorechi...tumi
amay konodin amon bhabe nie jaona baba...geleo khali boko n jhogra
koro.. Etc..

Akta bachhar straightforward feedback newar guts nei bole he started
fighting with me...i was lying down almost frail..okhan theke tule..he
started yelling like a slum dog ...and ofcourse in first line itself
it started like ma jamon purverted tamon meye..kono value system
nei...family r jonnyo taan nei...n then obvious issues with u n
me...he had found that amra naki vedic village gechi..o proof peyeche
etc...all bullsheet..
I am not elaborating...but u understand... with that high fever and
that state ami kotha porjyonto bolte parchinaa sei state joto rokom
chotolokamo kora jay he did everything in front of the baby..

I dont much believe in god but i just wish if i get a job out of
kolkata n can take my baby along with...such that am able to give her
a better life...

She is a very very decent child...n deserves some peace somewhere ....
Tarpor sara ta raat prochondo jor e chotfot korechi... 103 er opor
till about 6.30 am almost fainted...dont know after that..
Akhon just uthei toke blog korchi..
Matha tultei parchinaa...
Kichu por babar bari jabo...kalke okhanei thakbo..tumi parle phone koro..

Shuvo maha shashthi..
Anek anek bhalobasha ar pronam nio..
Ager shoshti te saree pore amra abcos e kheye thakur
dekhechilam...amar life e ami sotti oi aktai din pujo bole mon theke
khushi chilam...never b4 or never after...

Ar konodin asbe kina janinaa...
I hate this jealous crooked goddess who sticks to her hubby like
fevicol n expects her children to suffer like hell without her loving
caring husband... In every possible brutal format...

Love you my dearest
and missing you as if am dying every moment...
Just take care n just be with me ..
I can feel u inside my heart every single moment n am clutching to you
with all my strength whatever is left..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Shona baby

Baby,
Good morning. How are you? Jor komeche? R pet betha? Komeche?
Tried to call in the morning. Went out in the name of bazar to call you. But you were sleeping I guess. Monta khub voy pache, mone hoche tui thik nai. Jor bereche. Please let me know. Worried to hell.
Love you and take care shona. Love you so very much. Only yours, forever.

Eosin miss u like never b4

U know what everything is so very perfect in me in intricate
levels...following the perfect 28 days cycle she is back...n back with
very heavy cramps...cudnt wait for a day or 2...she just cudnt..lest
we might get some completeness...
I really banked upon the fever that due to this high fever she might
be delayed...but!!!!!

Every minute things are perfect and hence to balance it off...the
entire life has gone for a toss of maximum imperfection..
Debit n Credit balance equated for natural balance...

Tumi fire esecho?matha byatha komeche?
Just love you and missing you everywhere when i close my eyes or open them..

JS has gone out with dada's for puja...
Ora sobai mehendi koreche dokan theke...
Boudi amakeo bolchilo..barbar,,
i wished against my wish some puja i will also wear mehendi drawn by
my hubby with so much of fondness n false clinical attachment...

Love you re...buk ta fete jachhe koste..
Jor acche akhono..101 moto..managable..

You please take care....khub khub kosto hochhe,,,unbearable

--
Sent from my mobile device

Shona, khub miss korchi

Exam was ok... Not good not bad... Subjective...
Class ekhono cholche... Khub matha betha korche...
I'm worried about you Shona... Ekhono jor komlo na, khub chinta hoche... Hope test results come neutral...
Ki j hoche amader sathe... Problem ki kom hochilo j amar praan ta k er modhe viral fever dhorlo... Uff , kobe j ei kalo din er ses hobe...
Love you so very much my Jaan... You take care of your self... Amar pagoler moto kosto hoche, can't stay away from you like this when I know hat you are not well....
Love you with my everything... Take care...only yours...

How was the xam?

How was th xam?
I had fever the entire day..with spasms of vomitting..akhon slight better.
Blood n urine givn for tests..
Let me know of the exam..worried
love u so so very much n missing u like hell.

--
Sent from my mobile device

All the best

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> <CAP4ZDRO1EJZfZ_4tHpem8tfbew5V6bcupcPdsYLEzi=Lq12n=Q@mail.gmail.com>
> Subject: All the best
> From: AKKA RAIN <akkainrain@gmail.com>
> To: Akkainran.cloud@blogger.com
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>
> Whatever u do u just bring wonders to it..
> From sketching to painting from coding to decoding from caring to
> curing from phography to architecting from music to magic and ofcorse
> from loving to lovemaking ....
> ur exams wud be just as good..with the touch of a magic ..n the magic is u..
>
> Love you
> miss you
>
> --
> Sent from my mobile device
>

--
Sent from my mobile device

Love

Suye porchi..akhon 102 jor but kapuni nai..taken the medicines..
Shorir ta bhenge asche byathay..plus asojhyo matha byatha..
Tak to tomorrow..parle sokale phn koro..
Not able to type actually
love u good night

--
Sent from my mobile device

Doctor

Went to doc..same one as i went with u last puja..u remember the temple?
He said it seems viral fvr or uti..or typhoid
Tomorrow blood n urine test to be done..
Akhon jor nei..ghamchi tui jamon kalke ghemechili roof top e serom

u just did wonders to me shona this afternoon...it touched somewhere v
v deep in my heart..

I can bear any amt of fever now with u holding me feelings..

Tomar bari r pash diye praay aslam...there was a strong urge to rush
to my hubby..
Was feeling v v indignant..

But as always..priority of logic over love.
Am missing so much as to an intensity i have never missed u before..

Will stay back at mom tonight
love take care n be mine in the festive season just be mine..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Plz cal whn posbl..dyig to tak to u n meet u

--
Sent from my mobile device

Jaan

T dont knw why havving v high tewmp with excessive shivering
again..dnt knw it subsided at 2.30 n bak agn...dying to meet u... Am
sure if u can hold me once tightly shivering will stop....missing so
so so v much love..i hav to meet u..today..
Then for the puja week even if i burn in fevr i dont care..itt wud be
a blessing rather..plz come to me...
Dying to meet u once

--
Sent from my mobile device

Fever

Khub jor esche re hotat kore..shivering alone in bed with 102
temp...wish u were there...jor apni kome jeto in ur warmth..

I dont know whats happening with me...am having no control with my
mind or body when u r not there beside me..
Love

--
Sent from my mobile device

Night

Mon kharap korche khub..ajke sottii sara gaye byatha o hoyecge khub..
bhalo lagche naa simply tired of everything and carrying a daily dungeon meaningless life
bye

Reached

I have reached. You get started as per your convenience. Love you. Can't wait any longer. Unable to breath due to excitement.

I Miss My Husband

I Miss My Husband


Tonight like every other night I would miss my husband.

I’m here blogging instead of going to bed. I don’t want to face the thought of slipping underneath the covers without him there to hold me.

I ache to talk to him for longer than a few minutes here or there. I want to share the details of my day or whatever it is with him, and love him till he can’t take it any longer cook for him and feed him and clean the kitchen with him and doze off in his arms helplessly tired and satiated..

It’s been times I don’t know since my ‘last day’ with him and that is encouraging in some ways… That’s somehow I have managed to spend these grotesque days and weeks which I don’t want to look back. We don’t have to do again. But even beyond this there are still so countless more days left to cover…and with hardly any rays of hope left anymore..

We tend to stay busy, and I have immersed myself in looking forward to the minutest things. ..I don’t even have any job at hand to keep me occupied..

I’ve gotten myself involved in so many things mundane but get going things of to continue bare minimum sustenence, set some goals, and done all the things I’m supposed to do to make the time go faster. To make myself forget that I miss him in my life. But what did I achieve a void emptiness always teasing me from the backdrop?

But I do still miss him. I still want his hand to hold. I still want his eyes to look into. I still want to fall into his hug at the end of the day. I still w ant to hang around his shoulders and give him a light kiss there just to make him I am there right beside him and he can’t take his mind off from me even if he is trying to forget me for a single second.

I want to share the laughing with him. I want to cry on his shoulder. I want to see him light up with delight at the joy of me changed to a night dress and putting cream on my face and arms and he is impatiently waiting for me in bed..I want to see the pride in his eyes which our babies bring him, and I want to share a little of the weariness and frustration that come along with the job of parenting too.

I want him. Plain and simple.

I don’t want to have to wait another second longer. But I will. Because its only a soulful waiting is how I love him right now.

While You are Light Years Away

I can't be with you today like every other day
but if you close your eyes and think;
I'll be right at the kitchen, cooking for you
Wearing your shirt - standing by the sink. 

I'll be with you in the bedroom
Waiting silently in your bed;
Just close your eyes and think of me,
Relive those memories in your head. 

I'll stand by you in the bathroom,
An unlikely place to meet;
I'll smile at you so playfully
As I let you brush my teeth.

You hold me in your arms 

And put the soap on me
I foam your back shampoo your hair
We end up making love in glee
 

We make love in the bubbles of soap
Under the shower of love
Not the Slimy soaps or the slippery shampoo
But a surfing froth beyond that

Something starts there but doesn’t end
You carry me to your waiting bed
Pin me down unfurl the towel off
Hold me in your embrace for long
 

Deep stare in my eyes..

The gaze I am unable to bear
I submit helplessly- better than the stare
Why don’t you start making love to me
I cry in a feminine despair

And then you pin me down to the bed
With all the vigor you have been waited
Like a man like the bull you shed all the power
On me as I simply like a sparrow I quiver

Beneath you and even though I feel like dying
Every moment in your thrusts on top
I end up craving for even more
And I beg you not to stop!!
 

I love to see the face of yours 

Lit up by a smile
Your face coming down Over my bare breasts
Rummaging them

As you rest there for a while
 

And again you rise up gathering strength
To go another mile beyond mile
I love to see your face in my hand 

Lit up by that smile

I die for the madness with which you 

Take me in a whirlpool of frenzy
I love to see the passion and compassion
That makes me feel more clingy

We call him the selfish gene 

But the most desired one
Drives you crazy to fill me inside
And make me the mother of your son
 

As the opposite pair of gene whispers to me
To provocate you to do the same
As it knows inside out
As a mother It’s the best child I should get 

And there’s nothing wrong in that
To want to be the parents flat
Of the most desired most loving child
Born solely out of an undying love

And so the love doesn’t care 

For the norms of the day
It only follows the basic sentiments

Without any condition at stay
 
It listens to the call of heart 

And gets battered everyday
It only follows the law of nature
And gets killed every way!!!

But doesn't die and linger somewhere 

Deep down in some isolated corner

Oppressed tortured shackled and hurt

But with an intensity stronger ever after!!!!

Shona moni amar

Jani be Baby, tui amar shona bou... Tor kono lov, demand, kichu e nai amar upor... Just amake chara, r kichu neye tor bayna nai, karon tui hoyto janish, amar bor ta k pelei hobe, baki part ta r toke chaite hobe na, o nijei babostha korbe tor monta bujhe bujhe... Tai na!! Bol!
Ami jani tor kotota kosto hoche, tui kotota sojho koreo chup kore aachish... Because ami tor sathe to connected, tai tui kichu na bolleo ami sob bujte pari, karon same kosto ami o j equally pachi re...
Just love you, love you so very much...

Eosin

Eosin..ami deserted feel korini mona...
But eta to manbi j ami tor theke bohu alok borsho dure achi...and
kichhu korte parchinaa..

Bhalo meye hoyei achi...onyo kew hole tumi bolo jhamela korto kina er
cheye beshi?bor er sathe to jhamela kore bou ra..ami to toke kichui
jalai na sei tulonaay..
And i hate us..

U r very correct abt Asr...ami ii akta gadhi.. Amar shikhha hoynaa..
Ami bhul jai he cant ever think beyond HIM...oisob momentary kosto
diye kono labh nei...ok hoyto adow strike kore naa..

Tui ultopalta kichu likhishni re jaan...
Ami jani tui ki likhechish...kotha theke likechish kothagulo...koto
khani pain theke..

Toke chere thakte parchinaa re...khub beshi kosto hochhee....eibhabe
sustain korte tui parleo ami parbo naa..
Take care n just know i love u n dying for u every moment...sukiye
jachhi akdom...toke chere..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Good Morning

Khub kosto hoche re.... Khub beshi.... Dukho, ekakitto, onischotota, r durotto, sob kichu dola pakeye ekta tibro kosto.... R sob kichu chapeye tor jonno kosto...

Asr k tui kichu bolish na jate o flare up kore... Oi kotha gulote bole or momentary kharap laga chara r kichu e hobe na... He would shout and scream on you, and which we rip me apart... That would be the only added benefit we will achieve out of those conversations ... Because both of now know and understand, where actually he is having the Real advantage... Not only the paper where you both signed happily, but actually 5 years back, one fine night he fucked you to make you a mother, and fucked both of us very successfully for our life...

Sorry. Ami jani ami ultopalta bokchi... Asole mathar thik nai... Mone hoy pagol e hoye jabo e bar ... R nite parchi na re ei pressure... Parle khoma korish...

Khub chinta hoche tomar jonno... Jaan, don't ever feel depressed and deserted... I'll be always only yours, no matter how far or close I am to you...

Love you... Call you later.. Be a good girl till such time...

Love

How come u r always so right?
Will tell u why on phn later!

Kal sara rat khub kannakati korechi..ami aka aka..ghumayni..

Khub khub kosto hochhilo...jodi akbar toke kache petam hoyto kosto ta
khanik holeo komto..

Khub pet byatha o koreche..mostly period habe bole..1st e date..

Not me but my entire body n mind kept searching for you in subconcious
entire night...

Saw my lil baby in my trance multiple times..he was telling me so many
things in desperate abhiman...
Perhaps going insane...
Love you shona
love you

--
Sent from my mobile device

Jaann

Its my undying helpless love and dependence on you that I really cannot breathe without you but its also a fact that I am respiring ONLY for YOU when am so very far from you

I Love You so much..you cant imagine .. I myself never fathomed.. my love was not like yours which was 110% sure from Day 1

My love started its journey from upfront negativity a no mans land touched the base and reached the peak slowly v slowly all and with all your persistence and overwhelming love and care and what not!!!!

I cant live without you Eosin..
janish ajke anek khon kotha hochhilo with Asr...
He was of opnion that kono curse er jonyo or and amar life te erom nosto hoye gache..
diye barbar bolchilo j kano amon holo...

Ami ok khub shanto golay bolechi jano.. j I know kano amon holo..
because I was not born to marry you ..but marry somebody else..and sadly I couldnot wait for him..and came under your "under the belt sympathy".. pressure
It flared situations to some extent..but probably he understood..
ami sotti parchi na..he should know some of the facts about my mind..my heart..which he has never tried to know..

I know how much you need me...how much you crave for my pampering for my loving touches..may be equal to my craving for me..but deep down I know you are also dependent on me helplessly like a baby..may be more than I do on you..

ami ki kore toke chere thaki bolto? ar amar ei feelings ta akdine asheni..
but akhon jokhon esheche..tokhon to ami jani..ami amar sara jibon diye tor kache daybodhyo..
I cant leave you like this on road to suffer.. nor can I die every day..
and I will keep on stealing moments from my life to spend with you..no matter what..gift something called "moments of life" from ages of lifelessness to each other!!!!

kono mukti nei

I am born for you..made for you...destined to marry you...I was crafted for you and you and only you..
You are My husband...(husband maane ami toke kalke phone e bojhabo)and no wife can really live like this parted from the husband.
TV te dhak bajche pujar..and am dying for my baby hubby..
I hate the Pujo

I miss you so much..and please know every moment of my survival has a dream may be a distant one ...that someday I will really LIVE with you Eosin...

Someday...you just wait for me..
Ami sotti akdin parbo toke phone e deke bolte ..Abir tor Arpita ei raastay wait korche tor jonyo..she has left everything behind..
ami jani tui wait korbi oi dak ra jonyo..

Its not about discussing divorce..
Its about saving 1 life which is so helpless without YOU!!!!
Ami j sotti toke chere thakte parinaa..ki korbo ami...

Let me confess ami sudhu tor jonnei konodin bolte parini...tor oi bikot sensibility r jonyo...j amay niye pala Abir
I know you have the capability of keeping me happy and keeping every request of mine..i know my wish is a command for you

You cant leave me like this..
tui kichutei shanti pabinaa...jodi ontoto 1 ta bochor amar sathe na katash!!!

Just keep breathing

Ami jani, I'm the last person to give you hope of any sort of solace, because I'm on the same boat which is sinking rapidly. And both of us don't know how to swim. But still I say, just HANG ON.
Kal khub beshi venge porechilam. Tokhon dada r maa kyekta kotha bollo, tate sotti kichu ta onno rokom legeche. I'll share those words with you. In case you feel little better.
Take care. Love you. Let me know if you are alone, I'll give you call.

Janina

Janinaa..
Kalke dada raage amay helplessly dhakka diyeche janish.. To bring me
back to senses..at one time
i dont want to live for even a single moment..

Maximum humiliation maximum indignity maximum suffering and for
what... We didnt gain anything in return..
Not even a big zero..

We will just get to see that our deadbodies carried away by our
families for cremation and simply shed tears for eachother...
We wanted to stay together?and this is what we achieved?
Why cudnt we simply run away before bringing so much of curses in life!!!!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

Fwd: Jaaan

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: AKKA RAIN <akkainrain@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:23:22 +0530
Subject: Jaaan
To: Akkainrain@gmail.com

Amar haat pa bhoye thanda hoye gache..tana kapche...stammering problem hochhe..
Kalke dada o esechilo on similar pretext as of urs...asr had called
him...to somewhat take things in control...
As he was not able to..

But none could...vishon beshi jor eseche..around 2 am..
Sara raat akfota jor komeni..akhono na..

I just dont know what would happen n what to do...
I have a feeling that every option has closed...kichhu habe naa..
Industry has not only deserted but also extremely scared of us..
Its one of the biggest scam..

Amar to akhon pmp niyeo bhoy laagche..
Ora jodi chay IBM theke to kono help i korbe naa..aar forget abot
certificate of proj mgmt hours..

Ki korbo just janinaa...
Dada was more pissed of yesterday than Asr... When Asr was trying to
think of what can be done best now..dada bollo j amar cv ta naki ar
kew kokhono khuleo dekhbe naa... Naam tai enough..ato jaygay float
koreche last month e... J everybody knows even before getting the cv j
kar cv asche...
He said tor mba pmp koreo kichu habe naa..u have chosen ur way ja khushi kor..
Cv to ar change habe naa..

Amar haat pa sithil lagche..kal sara raat bomi korechi...bhison jor e...
i know for sure i wud be never able to stand anymore..never
punishment well deserved..for love...
Love ki atoi blind that it knocks of all possible senses?
Love you
take care
i just wanna die...akdom kichhu ti bhalo lagche naa..

--
Sent from my mobile device

--
Sent from my mobile device

Shona

Honestly, it might sound odd, but you must listen to them now. But they also do not have much left to say!!! Because we are the two most dumb headed emotional fools on earth. We have mutually screwed our lives, without thinking about the future for a moment. Failed to take any preventive action inspite of getting warning. Its so very true that we love each other blindly, but that doesn't mean that we loose our common sense of right and worng conduct within office premises. Its true that we shold have ran away, but instead of doing that we have shutdown all possible doors. And we claim that we are intelligent!!! How could two person be such fools together??? I do not have an answer... Hence I say, its better to listen to the people who doess have some common sense left, even though we didn't considered them smart compared to us.
I don't know whats there in our future. But yes, iff you do such a silly mistake, your punishment should be equally silly by the industry. Really don't know what we have pending.!!
I got a serious nervous breakdown yesterday. Par called dada and mom. They tried to solace logically like your dada and asr. They are actually paniced about my physical and mental condition. And trying to give me all possible options like changing city to doing business. Also was saying that I haven't done any crime, so why do I worry. But I know what I did. Hence failed to pull myself even a little. Really don't know what is awaiting for us next.
Listen to your dad, dada and asr. They are much level headed persons. We only loved each other like collage kids, but failed to build a better life for eachother.
Keep breathing. I love you, and will always do. t have much left to say!!! Because we are the two most dumb headed emotional fools on earth. We have mutually screwed our lives, without thinking about the future for a moment. Failed to take any preventive action inspite of getting warning. Its so very true that we love each other blindly, but that doesn't mean that we loose our common sense of right and worng conduct within office premises. Its true that we shold have ran away, but instead of doing that we have shutdown all possible doors. And we claim that we are intelligent!!! How could two person be such fools together??? I do not have an answer... Hence I say, its better to listen to the people who doess have some common sense left, even though we didn't considered them smart compared to us.
I don't know whats there in our future. But yes, iff you do such a silly mistake, your punishment should be equally silly by the industry. Really don't know what we have pending.!!
I got a serious nervous breakdown yesterday. Par called dada and mom. They tried to solace logically like your dada and asr. They are actually paniced about my physical and mental condition. And trying to give me all possible options like changing city to doing business. Also was saying that I haven't done any crime, so why do I worry. But I know what I did. Hence failed to pull myself even a little. Really don't know what is awaiting for us next.
Listen to your dad, dada and asr. They are much level headed persons. We only loved each other like collage kids, but failed to build a better life for eachother.
Keep breathing. I love you, and will always do.

Jaan, ami jani na toke ami bujhi ki na, but eta jani j toke ami khub valobashi.... R tar thekeo beshi kore jani j tui amay r sudhu amay pagoler moto valobashish...
Amar o khub down lagche.... Exam e kichu likhte parchi na... Khali tor jonno monta kadche...
Sokale khub kosto hochilo , jantam na tui o kosto peye o vabe ghurchili, tai fon na kore thakte pari ni... Pore janlam, keno eto jontrona hochilo tokhon...
Ami ki sotti toke sob somoy feel korte pari nejer modhe... Ami jantam etotai kosto hobe... friday ta j eto sathe katalam , eto darun kichu muhurto, tar jonno pay korte hobe na, ta ki hoy!!! Tuo eto dami keno re?? Eto dami j tor sathe kichu darun muhorter jonno eto high payment korte hoy amay... But sotti to tui priceless... Amar Kohinoor... Tor jonno amar pran tao mone hoy khub sosta... Tai na... Pagoler moto valo lage tor sathe , proti bar, bar bar, sob somoy.... It's magical...
Ami jani na ki kore ekta lok eto magical hote pare!!! Tor gorbo hoy na???
Just love you... Missing you so very intensely... Do you know , while making love, we simply look sensuous like two porn stars... I was not able to believe that they are us in that video... I have never seen such a erotica in my life... And probably that is why your nature/ goddess Gurga feels so jealous and make sure to keep as apart...
I'll try to call you... When you are out, keep the E5 on.... I'll try to call, but nor sure whether would be able to....
I love you, only you, every bit of you...
Only yours...

Mon

Khub monta kharap hoye ache re Giji..
akdom down and depressed hoye achi..
eta katbe na ami jani..tor sathe kotha na howa obdi...
Why do you need to understand me better than myself even??It pains at times you know
times when u are so inaccessible..
Love you

Fwd:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: AKKA RAIN <akkainrain@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, 25 Sep 2011 12:45:52 +0530
Subject:
To: Akkain.cloud@cblogger.com

Having excessive neck pain ,,,absolutely stiff neck...took a
painkiller to simply sustain till about tmrw or till such time i get
to hear ur voice..now wud try to doze off..
Love

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Sent from my mobile device

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Sent from my mobile device

If u cud possibly call around 7.30 or later till about 9 u can..wud be
out alone..dropping JS to a birthday party..

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Sent from my mobile device