Someday Sunday

Yes another lloooong drab horrible torturing sunday..
Ami konodin shorir kharap bolina but aj sotti shorir ta kharap..
Kal sara raat jege...chitkar chacamichi 99.99% monologues..but ghum to
ar hoyna..hence bhor 5 ta obdi du chokher pata ak korte parini.. It
was only when the shouting of alcoholism ceased i took an alprax and
sought help from the medicine....
Aj asombhob matha ghorachhe n tremendous neck pain...

As u said its phase 4 of the cycle when he tried to be to be v v
hunkydory n i protested vehemently that the fight broke out...
Anyway...this is my day to day life ....kobeo mukti pabo kina ba adow
konodino pabo kina janinaa...
But i will still grit my teeth n bear this hooliganism till such time
i dont have a new home if at all ever i can have only n only to
protect my baby...
She will be nowhere without my shade..

I just wish against all my wishes that the new company has frequent
travels short but frequent to get some taste of freelancing life...

U also take care...dont strain much ...your head injury needs a lil
rest and destressing..
Try give some

dont worry much abt me i will sustain somehow..at presesnt we are in
the deepest of darkest shades from every possible angle and need to
withstand each n every bit of it without any ray of hope near or
distant...
I cant even dare dream of a sunday someday when i will sleep the
entire sturday snug in ur arms and wake up cuddling in your arms on a
pristine sunday..
Love and only love you and love only you

--
Sent from my mobile device

Amar pran vomra

Good morning Sony baby... Another drab Sunday... When I'm missing you so intensely...

Please, better you don't ask about my days... They are pathetic... When some one is on a trip to one of the beautiful place on earth, but fails to figure out what exactly is he doing here, it's the most pathetic situation one can be.... Every one is anticipating that I'm sick, and the head injury might be bothering me, hence a person like me is unusually quiet... But I know that is the actual reason... My projects are actually my life savers, I'm completely submerging myself into it...

Anyway, both of us are in equal situation ... One is at her place, other one is some place else... That is the only difference...

Eto koste matro ekta din katlo... Long way to go...

Na re jaan, tor blood pressure ta sotti khub low... It's actually scary... We will visit a specialist as soon as I meet you there... I'll not take a no from you... Dorkar hole amio dekhabo karon AMRI e pressure mepechilo 90-130.... Dujone dekhabo... Tor khawa dawa barate hobe... Khub obhela korchi tor sorir take...

I love you... Very much worried about your health... Baki test result gulo janabe... Weight koto ekhon tomar? Komeche na bereche??

I love you so very much... Just take care and love me....

Twilightrain

Missing u intensely..and love you so v much..
Dont worry on the low pressure its just temporary..emnite with the
level of tension we accomodate normal expectation is high bp....so
averaging out it wud soon be normal..
:)
how was ur day..
Am just about surviving...just hoping to be in ur arms somehow someway
someday...

Take care
good night

--
Sent from my mobile device

Jaan

Sona, just take care.... Eto low pressure... Amar khub chinata hoche re... Love you so very much

Good day

Have a good day love..
Try keep out of tension as much...
He came with me to apollo..for the med chk up..had a big fight related
to that..i compelled to come on my own...but dint happen..

Anyway most of the tests are done ...waiting for the next sets post breakfast...
Have come for breakfast now..

Blood pressure anekta kom eseche..
55 by 90
rest all ok...
Blood reports will come later..

Love you take care..
Dont worry much about me here..i will manage somehow..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Wow

Uff, jaan... Bachali... Kal ami jantam offer letter ta asbe, but sara din pagoler moto wait korechi.... Finally ese geyeche... Love you so very much...

Medical test, bah!! Yes you need a full body check up... Khub valo hobe ei somoy hoye jabe... Keep me posted...


Love you so so very much baby... You too take care...

Love You So very much

Love You Jaanu..
Take Care .. Wish you have just a safe noise free trip nothing more nothing less..
Have got the App. Letter from Wip. late in the evening..
Since I sw off all internet connections didn't know when it came until Rashmi called me up much much later..to inform about the Medical Tests to be done asap.

Joining on or before 2nd Nov. post completing the medical tests.
Tomorrow will be going for medical tests early morning...Will not be able to update the blog as I will not carry E5 in front of others..Will share details once I am back.
Also Will share with you App. Letter details once you are back.
Love You
Yours only

Babuli

Jaan, good night... Ektu o valo lagche na re... Tui ki korchish, khali se kotha mone hoche...

Ami train e ekta alada seat neye bosechi... Baki ra sob onno kuup e ,, ami alada ... Ek mone sar din ekta project er kaj ses korechi, laptop e...

Nijer moto chilam sara khon... Ektu o valo lagche na...

I love you so very much...

Take care and good night...

Jaanu

Baby, I love you, love you so very much... Khub sabdhane thakbe, till the time I'm coming back to you...

I'm really sorry that I shouted on you, but you know that I'm also being tested patience...

Love you baby... Khub chinta hoche tor jonno... Missing you... Just love you....

Wipro r news ta elei amay text korbe...

Love You So very much

I Love You so very much.. I don't know really how much!!
You are the first Love and only love of my life :: As per my theory love happens only once in lifetime else it doesn't rest of the world is made of relationship..absolutely digital..as many other bullshit theories of mine ALL or NONE
Dont ever question my love for you ..never..ami bolleo tumi korbe na..just korbe naa!!You know that I cant take anything negative words from you..
I can face all the negativeness of the entire world..,,kadteo parinaa karo samne barring you..jar jonyo loke amay witch bole je ato kichur por chokh diye jol pore naa..ki mohila re baba..
So ami jodi kono muhurte khub helpless feel kore kichu negative bolio ba you have to endure that!! You know for sure within 5 mins I will succumb..

Even jodi kokhono aksathe thaki..tokhono naa..

We never express our pains to anyone else in the world that is our genetic trait even to each other we always try to suppress our stigma of pains..
The tip of iceberg is always that the other person sees and the rest is inherently felt deep within and which we rightfully refuse to discuss..

You know ami akdom numb hoye achi..I told you over and over again..that I am so fragile and so pained that am I don't even have the power to talk/speak discuss in the fear of breaking down..

But still at times we fail to do that right ??and instead of direct confrontation like other people we are stupid to get into self inflicting pain mode.. You know this awkwardly similar trait of ours for sure and perhaps better than me.. I need not elaborate neither in any mood to do so. !!

Just 2 lines.. tumi akbaro bhable naa na j kirom kimbhut kimakar poristhite amay fele rekhe jachhoo..in every respect every step of life be it personal or official..
oto gulo harsh strong bitter kotha bole chole gele!!!
Just vanish in thin air!!


This long long week and the weekend jekhane official personal heart related mind related each and every matter I have to simply die and face alone...and also ensure things are not blown up out of proportion by whichever means such that
1.Our love is not humiliated once more in open public and
2.Other sets people who don't even matter to me have a peaceful trip..( I don't care about you so keeping you out of this loop)

And if that means at certain tiny aspects to come down to terms and keep people pacified at this end I have to I have to grit my teeth and do all these things which I would have never done at other times..

And over the entire period of time and you would be so very far off in some distant
island..simply unreachable..

I know normal days eo ba kothay pashe thako.. but there is still a difference right? atleast normal days e khub kosto hole ba problem hole ami atleast jani you are just a phone call away or some hours away..whatever it is you would ensure you would call me up and take me out of all my concerns worries pains or equally share the emotions of some rare species called happiness..no matter what..

Sobai tader kotha dukkhher kotha wish er kotha frsutrations er kotha sundar kore bolte pare..akopote..may be coz those are "legal" so..

We can't by nature also as well as per law!!
And we fail to understand each other end up hurting even more..

Just Take Care..amar matha jha jha korche... Its better you are off samne pele mere feltam!!!!

Dying to make love

I love you... Matha ta tolche na duniya ta bujte parchi na... Just toke feel korte parchi ashe pashe... Chulta khola, shampoo r darun gondho asche, sara gaye toe pagol kora gondho ta, ekta deep cut nighty pore soyong maa durgaa amar samne... Ki tar ruup, ki re ruper chotta... Ami pagol hoye jachi...

Tar por sob khule fele, sesh sutota porjonto, toke nishpeshon korchi amar sorbosho diye, sompurno powurush deye... R arame , abeshe tor dom bondho hoye asche....

Mone hoy nesha ta ektu beshi hoye geyeche...

I love you and only you... I love everything of you...

Sweety pie, you are only mine, and one day I'll claim my property from the rest of the world...

Love you so very much... Fuck you deep and hard, really hard....

Oh my love...i just wanna die in your arms.

Khub akta kosto hochhee...thik bojhate parchinaa kirom tibro intense
pain ta..sudhu matha ta blank out hochhe na kano janinaa...
Perhaps u r able to somewhat block ur senses with the aid of the
alocohol,,,am not able to..

Love you likhte ichha korche naa blog e
kole bose duhaate gola joriye mukh ta buke tene niye ghare r kache
chumi diye nokh gulo chule r modhye dig kore kane fishfish kore bolte
ichha korche bhalobasho na plllzzz....anek anek pagol pagol kore
bhalobasho...
Amar kache dress tao chokhe vashche dujoneri ...seat tao..ghor
tao...serom dress amar nei tor o hoyto nei...

Now that am a lil hazy with the pill...sob kichu chokhe vasche...in
utmost vividness...only u are nowhere reachable...
amon bhabe jaate next moment e more gele mone hoy this wud have been
the best possible time best possible way to die!!!

--
Sent from my mobile device

I Love You

Sonu baby, ami berolam... Sorir ta khub kharap lagche... Ami jani eta serious kichui na, just mental problem... Ami toke ekta gota week access korte parbo na, sei voye ei sob hoche... Don't worry...

I'll keep the aircel on till the time I can take call... Please call there if possible....

Ami kal sokale call korbo... Tui call nebar moto state e thakle SS ta on rakish... Else SW off kore dish....

Love you so very much jaann...

Missing you shona...

Morning jaan

Jaan good morning,,
shona plans might be shifted a lil bit..most probly ppl from kalighat
wud be bak by 8.30 or 9...so if i leave after this with the excuse of
giving bhog to ma r bari can meet u longer..
So u can come out of ur home around 9.30 say..without
rushing..targetting to meet around 9:45..

Or else delaying is difficult from ur side then we can meet around in
the mornng like tuesday for abt 10 mins..nearby..

Let me know whichever possible from u..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Love You

Jaan, Love you so very much... Missing you even more...
Ami kal sokale tomay call korbo... and earliest bereye jabar chesta korbo... Jabar pothe dekha kore nebo tomar sathe... Tumi maa er kache chole asbe by 8:30am...

Love you... good night... take care...

Missing you

Khub kosto hochhe ...very very deep..
Tomar to aka thakar kotha naa...amar o na...
amar sathe aksathe thakar kotha..life celebrate korar
kotha...togetherness e dube jawar kotha..but here we are dying simply
craving for each other...without any hope of meeting or speaking to
each other anywhere..

Akhon to phone er verbal communications o amader against e jachhe...

I knew you were alone for a substantial period of time i just knew it...
Kintoo edike amar amon caged condition j ami nora chora korleo amar
individual steps follow kora hochhe...
chari dike aatoo alo..ato khushi...never meant for us though...parked
for the normal children of nature,,

wipro niye chinta korini..it was a little sad fyi..
Am just missing my loving husband..
Jar sathe ami chipke thaktam..jar kache theke hate mehendi portam, low
cut sexy salwar kameez kintam ,.khub sajtam...ar saradin khub
passionately ador khetem nijeke puro miliye diye tar modhye...haat
dhore thakur dekhtam..taake moner moto kore sajiye ditam..diya ditam
amader chotto bari te aksathe..joriye dhore ghumatam, shantir
ghum....ar glowing plump bou hoye komor joriye proudly blushing wife
hoye barate jetam...

But nothing of that sort gonna happen..
We will sink our night and days our passion our lifeblood in darkest
gloominess...and tear us offf... Give explainations to our phone calls
or bare minimum moves of life to reach out to some legally bound
counterparts..

Joy goswami r line e:::
Kal ki habe kali ii jane ..kal er ghore shoni!!!!
i will try to be at mom's place in the morning...evening would be
difficult..as people have leave till monday...i also dont have office
whose shelter i can take..he will be going to Kalighat early morning 6
o clck and come back around 10... We can meet in that slot if u can
leave for office say around 9.
Thik over it an let me know...u can call me up tomorrow if
possible..phones will be on..
Love u n dying for you..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Jaanu

Ami tana sara din tomay call try kore geyechi... The fon was switched off... Er majhe kon fake put kore cell on kore blog kore deyeche sona ta...

I'm missing you... Missing you so very much...
Dying to talk to you... Aaj barite onekta somoy eka chilam, nijer moto...

Wipro r ta neye chinat koro na, ota thik hoye jabe... Amader to soja vabe kichu hoy na, tai etao hoche na....

Love you jaan... Just take care...

By the way, most likely kal eka office jabo, jodi hoy ferbar somoy ami tomar sathe dekha korbo... Let hope for the best...

Jaaanu

Amio kichu korchi naa....oi r ki....just kichhuu bhalo
lagchenaa....vague lagche..
U just take care...
Intensely phone korte dakha ta is really a lil cause to hv tension
around..u need to answer kake phone korchile etc...
Timelines are weird n v v uncanny...
Be aware
ekhaneo same tensions cholche..
He is planning to move to ground floor flat and cleaning spree is
around..and tension quarrels etc.

I dont know how when where I can meet you..things are very dicy n volatiele...

Till now no news from Wip... They are on leave today n tomorrow..so
nothing can move as of now...

Am feeling as lost as u can imagine..cant even speak to u for some
moments to ease the pain...
Love

--
Sent from my mobile device

Baby

Jaanu, Ki korcho? Ami just kichu korchi na... vabla mere boshe aachi... Kichu korte parchi na...
Sokale amar Sasuri Bazar e geyechilo... Amay naki dekeche ami khub intense vabe phone e kotha bolchilam, tai naki dake ni... I got to know after coming back home... I little tension is going on around that... as usual... tired of every thing...

I love you... Missing you... need to smell you to breath again properly... Jani na seta abar kobe hobe... Waiting for you..

Kothay tumi?

Jaan, kothay tumi... Ekbar sara dao... Please ebar ektu contact koro... At least an SMS... Dying in tension...

Love you so very much...

Love you jaan

Kichu bujte parchi na... Sob ki rokom ek e pattern mene hoche... A very uncanny resemblance ... Last year er ek e time, tor barite sei jhamela... Catastrophic situation... Tar modhe amar trip... Ek e destination... Khun uncanny lagche re...

E dike maa bar bar fon kore khoj korche j amar chuti holo ki na... Ki j boli decide korte parchi na... Tor offer tao golay eshe atke aache... Uff, ami r parchi na, ekdom valo lagche na...

E bar jodi jai, and maa, dada and boidir samne abar sei aager barer moto nightmare fiire aashe, ami ta hole pagol e hoye jabo... Sojjer to ekta limit aache... O jeno kichute na jante pare ami out of town... Matha ta chire jache re...

Please give me a call for 10 mins when you have time... I really need to talk to you before I finally say yes or no to my mother...

You take care... I do not know how... I'm really very very worried for two of us... Under this mental pressure we will not sustain much long...

Wipro offer ta close koro, ask them when you will get the hard copy of the offer letter and the other details of joining like joining time and contact person....

Worried like hell... Feeling trapped in life... I really don't know what kind of game life is playing with us, and where would it end? Probably with any of our death!!!

Love you so very much Baby...

P.S. inspite of all this, you were looking extremely beautiful today in that red dress... Chokh ferate parchilam na...

Love You

Love You Jaaan...
call korte parbo ki na janinaa..prochondo jhogra cholche re..sei ak routine ak pattern..calling up parents etc..
new baynakka is JS er mathay haat rekhe promise kora that I wont communicate with you in any forms..
R na hole he will commit suicide etc and write you and me are responsible for his death..and ruining his life
JS k ghore niye giye bolche j ami ok niye berie giye tomar sathe thakbo..and amader itor lifestyle e o nosto meye toiri habe..moreo jete pare..because we will not take care of him..
Telling her tor ma more jayna kano rather than being somebody else (read your name)kept..
O bolche j na ota to amar ma tumi kano bolcho more jete...I love ma..
She cried like hell..fupiye fupiye kede jachhe bechari.
feeling sick at nerves...
Amra hoyto sotti happy hote parinaa...Is it that Shona??to be happy you need to have legal permission?? Think about it!!!

Tui long drive plan korechili naa?? You will have plenty of them with your legal family while being on trip ..and everyone will think YOU are happy...as THEY will be happy and LEGALLY wrapping YOU with so called care and comfort..YOU are SUPPOSED to be HAPPY

Happiness is not our cup of TEA.. we will die like this..

I am telling you..if at all thats an option tui study ta complete kor..and I will simply pack and go..and then fight out..loop er vetore theke fight kora aombhob..ar jekhane every step we are getting caught by public in wrong foot when emotionally we are drop dead down..

Our love getting raped in public every instance..ami nite parchi naa ar humilitaion..of our so precious love..
Oboshyo tui deputattion e gele the other venom of our life will follow you wagging her tail acrrying her legal power..
so i really dont know and cant hope much!!!Lets just die..

Dying for you

I have reached. Please call as per your convenience. I love you and love only you...

Khub mon kharap lagche. Kichu valo lagche na. Amra ki ektu o khushi hote pari na re jaan!!!

Updates??

what do you mean by sob kichu thik ache??
Thik nei..ki thik ache na ache ami janinaa ..ami thik nei,,just nei..
Am tired of dying everyday.. cats and dogs jhogra hoyeche,,,prochondoo..
Am simply fatigued and weary.. If only I could get some peace somewhere..

We were (mostly he was) quarreling for long long times..saying so many things.
Was telling me j ami koto niche gechi .coming from a good family etc ..
wagera wagera..breaking the family home and ruining so many lifes..including yours'..
Was telling n number of times j tumi amay several times refuse koro..reject koro..tao ami kano somostyo self esteem khuiye tomar pechone pore thaki..
I have upfront told him..that ami ok chara bachte parina.. tai ok phone kori..
and it doesnt count to me what is feelings for me..
I get immense amount of peace in him..in confiding in him..and I cant live without communicating with him

And can never survive that day..when I would know I will never ever get to communicate with him..

Things went out of proportion...we fought like anything ja hoy..
amar details dite bhalo lagchee naa
feeling extremely down..
more so as probability of meeting you tomorrow becoming more and more bleak ..feeling too caged too indignant..

I might not be able to reach Salt Lake tomorrow..shedding all off.but I need to meet you to survive..
I can go to Mom's place 8B beauty parlor anywhere..tell me a place and meet you..during the morning 9 AM??
If you can make some options...
ami jani parbe naa.. You also are caged have no EXCUSES to come out just like that..
We cant go out somewhere JUST LIKE THAT>> WE NEED EXCUSE to LIVE our LIFE even if its for 10 mins..

kalke habe naa porshu habe naa.. tarpor din o hoyto habe naa (Thursdays being nightmares at present) Friday tumi thakbe naa till next Friday..jobe firbe tarpor weekend tarpor next Monday dakha holeo hote paree..coz we will again take the shade of our Office Umbrella ...


Perhaps need to drink tonight to keep me knocked off..
Talk to you tomorrrow..

Love you so so very much...beyond everything..
Not asking how is your wound.. I dare not ask YOU!!!


P.S>> I have thought about deeply and I am sure ELOPING is the ONLY OPTION if at all else we need to die every moment ..roasted in bonfire alive!!!!

Jaanu

Jaanu baby,
Ki korchish re shona... Sob thik aache to re... Khub down lagche... Please 1 line update dish baby... Khub kosto hoche re...

I love you

Hii

Call at ss if posbl in the morning ...both will be on though...wish to
start the wk with your sensuous voice..
Love n kisses..

--
Sent from my mobile device

Good Nite

Love You Janu..shuye porchi..
will wait for you on the other side of being awake someway somewhere
Love

Love you jaanuu

I'm not good either... Blog korteo valo lagche na... But tao majhe majhe blog check korchi jodi tumi post koro...

I need to hear you sweet voice... Waiting for tomorrow... Love you so very much... Take care...

How are you Jaan?

How are you shona..
amar khub mon kharap..just like that bhalo lagche naa akdom.. feeling so very lonely..and parched,,
Take Care Love

Need to love you not blog you..

Feeling horribly down jaan

--
Sent from my mobile device

Love you feeling down

I knew it was a deep cut..iit diye thetle diyechilo mathar oi jayga ta...
Nahole skin level e injury hole oto bleed kore naa...

Khub khub mon kharap korche..akdom bhalo lagche naa..kanna pacche
remembering every minute thing

pore kotha bolbo..khub kanna pachhe
kichhu korte parchina akhon..blog korte bhalo lagche naa

--
Sent from my mobile device

Love you jaanuuu

Dressing done... Back home...
Lokta dekhe bollo kota shelai hoye chilo??? Mone hoy wound ta besh govir e hoyechilo... Anyway, ekhon onek improve koreche... Thursday te chan korte parbo boleche... Anti biotic ta khub strong and valo....

Love you, you take care...
Drive safely...